A few days ago Sofa Guy was again in a confrontational, argumentative mood and I can’t remember what over, but instead of sitting back and letting him get his own way I stood my ground. Mistake number one I guess. Actually… I can remember part of what happened. I offered to cook a roast lamb dinner, and had already put on the potatoes when he told me he didn’t even want it anymore. I turned off the potatoes and came back upstairs. He quickly shut the laptop lid and I knew why… there was obviously porn on it. I really do need to get over this as i’m a complete hypocrite. Anyway this added to the arguement that was already going on so I grabbed the bottle of wine from the bedside table and was going to pour it down the sink. I said to him, oh but if i do that you’ll leave right? No more alcohol here so why stay.
He thought I was going to hit him with the bottle and proceeded to grab me, pinned me down with one hand around my neck and the other pushed against my face and told me never to fucking do that ever again. I winced a bit and my heart raced but I didn’t back down. I just looked at him right in the eye. After he’d finished, he let go and my jaw was aching. I have a bruise across it now, which he asked me to cover in makeup before I saw any of the housemates or my parents! Now if that’s not the behaviors of a violent man I don’t know what is. Now before I get shit loads of comments saying get out, run as fast as you can.. I antagonized him enough to do it.
Which brings me onto the last couple of days. The roast dinner was postponed that night for the next evening, which I cooked with so much love after working on the computer all day. We both ate every mouthful and I thought today has been great! Then as soon as I finished, I bent down to get a glass and he told me that my ass looked twice as big in a new skirt i’d bought and did I even look in a mirror? Yet again I haven’t trained or eaten properly and I’m never going to be thin. I got so upset so I grabbed my jeans and I left the house leaving a “You know what Sofa Guy, I love you with all your flaws and all”…
I decided I was going to go for an alternating jog / walk across the severn bridge. You know it’s only 2 miles there and back and it looks and feels sooo much further! Anyway I did that, came back sweating and panting an hour later and instead of praise for getting off my ass and doing something I got “You went jogging in your jeans? Image is everything darl, you are a complete nutcase”. I couldn’t take much more so I got in the bath and left him to his mood. A few minutes later he came in to check on me to make sure I wasn’t trying to drown myself – how weak does he think I am!? On one hand, does that mean he cares about me?
I got out of the bath and sat down on the bed in my nightclothes and just laid there feeling pretty low when he starts to laugh and cuddles me. This is his way of making up every single time especially if I am facing away from him. We watched a film together which was really good and then snuggled up together before bed. His moods change like the weather! Yesterday he lost all of the money in the betting account on the cricket and was not a happy bunny at all. Of course I got the blame, he treated me like shit. He said I’ll catch you next week sometime which made me upset as he was supposed to come to my parents on Sunday for lunch. I felt awful and just sat there in silence when he came around of course just as he was due to go home and mentioned the fact he had no money for golfing with his dad and brother today. Me being a stupid mug gave him £60 when he already had kept the change from tesco yesterday so he has £75 this weekend to blow on useless crap. Why did I give him the money? Just before he was saying all the fucking right things. I love you, we need to argue less but everything is going to be fine. I’ll give you a text and call over the weekend and i’ll see you sunday probably.
My friends are starting to give up on me and I feel very unhappy. Of course your solution is get rid of him but he has something about him that makes me want him even more. I honestly never thought anyone would treat me like this… and even more that I would let them. I didn’t hear from him all last night, so I just went to bed, nothing this morning even though he said he would text me about his golf score. He *might* turn up on my doorstep at 3am tonight, or he might not. This is no way to live.
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