A lot of thinking to do…

It’s been a while since I posted – things have been pretty similar as far as Sofa Guy comes.  My birthday was a complete disaster with him losing a bet and saying he was leaving… I thought great, just what I need on my birthday and questioned him as to why he was treating me like this.  He apologised quickly and said he wouldn’t have left me on my birthday…

Which brings me back to now…  Sofa Guy was on a stag weekend last weekend and I was going out of my mind with worry.  I had been a good little girlfriend and given him suncream and a prepaid VISA card with £100 on it (i’ll get to that in a bit) and the whole time he was away I was paranoid he was going to cheat on me.  I spent the weekend with a good friend of mine and we ended up going shopping and going out on the piss.  Whilst we were in the bar I got very tearful which quickly passed as I wandered to the bar to pick up a couple of bottles of champagne.

A guy at the bar asked me what I was celebrating.. I said “that I’m alive” and left it at that.  He and his friends followed me back to my table where we were sitting and joined us.  I paid no attention whatsoever to these guys as I just wasn’t interested.  I love Sofa Guy, I don’t want anyone else.  I noticed that all of these guys were wearing wedding rings.  One guy told me it wasn’t a wedding ring so I took it off and noticed the inscription of his name with his wife’s.  The creepy man who was sitting inbetween me and my friend kept putting his hand up my back and I asked him to stop.  He persisted on how great my tits were and how much he wanted to snog / touch / fuck me.  I told him he should be ashamed of himself with his wife and 5 year old daughter at home and what hope did it give me with my boyfriend in Spain on a stag party when we’re not even engaged.  He simply answered he’s probably fucking someone right now.

In the end I snogged two of the guys just to get rid of them. They wouldn’t leave us alone.  I hated every second of it… they were both really shit snogs and I felt so guilty and terrible afterwards I burst into tears when they left the table.  The sensible guy must have noticed because he came back over, apologised and said that none of them would have ever taken it any further than a snog and that my boyfriend wouldn’t be doing anything behind my back because he knows what he has got at home.  I was so drunk that night we came home on the early train and I passed out with my best friend looking after me at home.

Sofa Guy came back on sunday and I was out.  I wasn’t expecting him back until midnight if he even bothered to come back to mine, so imagine my surprise when I get a text message from my ex telling me that he is in my bedroom waiting for me.  When I got back I was very happy. I looked fantastic if I do say so myself and had spent 5 hours with my sister and one of her friends on the vino.  We spent an amazing evening with lots of kisses, cuddles and “I missed you’s” and I’m pretty certain he didn’t do anything.  The visa card is another story – it had expired the month before so he couldn’t use it.  Good for me eh!

Anyway, today things aren’t so rosy.  I have no idea how he truly feels.  He tells me i’m the girl he wants and that he is very happy with me but the slightest thing that I do wrong, such as make a comment about a television program that he thinks is “dense” or liking a certain type of music and he jumps down my throat.I have to really think about what I want from this relationship and if indeed I want this for the rest of my life if he chooses to stick around.  Do I really want someone who goes out every weekend?  Do I want someone who play fights and actually hurts sometimes?  Do I want someone who drinks every single day, up to 3 bottles of wine by himself?  Do I want someone who is out of work?

Lots of thinking to do!

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