I had another argument with Sofa Guy last night and I can’t really remember how it started as I had been drinking… well we both had. I wasn’t planning on drinking but I had been listening to some dance music on earphones while he watched the cricket on TV and it got me in the party mood.
Anyway, I remember him asking me exactly what I wanted from him because I had told him I didn’t think he could give it to me. I replied, less drink, commitment, affection, intimacy, then eventually engagement, marriage and children. I’m finding all these emotions flying through my head a little strange though since I’ve never wanted marriage and children with both of my ex’s and believe me they were far more suitable for parents!
So we had a big argument, then we made up. He promised that as long as I stopped the whole “broken record bullshit” about him not wanting me, and that we had fun since he was a joker that yes he could give me what I wanted eventually. I have my doubts but went along with it for peace and quiet. I came on upstairs and started slow dancing to some chillout music that I had playing. He came into the room, saw my dancing, came up behind me and danced with his arms around me. I was getting turned on (AS PER FUCKING USUAL!) but he never got an erection. I was a bit gutted but didn’t say much. If I had done that to my ex he would have got an erection straight away and definitely wanted me.
We laid on the bed and we talked more. We were about to watch some Prison Break when he fell asleep and to be honest I was getting tired too so I just left him to sleep and snuggled down too. This morning, he seemed in an okay mood. He watched cricket, racing, boxing and darts on TV. He drank pretty much as soon as he got up but he didn’t seem to get that drunk as the day progressed. I made him home made burgers for lunch and some bbq chicken for dinner. I ended up going nuts again as the chicken was just made when he disappeared into the bathroom. He was running a bath but I couldn’t decide whether he was actually having a bath or having a wank which the very thought of made me extremely angry. I left his dinner on the side and when he got out of the bath looked very annoyed. He asked what was wrong and I flew off the handle saying his dinner was ruined. I didn’t mention the whole wanking thing because I didn’t think it would be a good idea.
One of these days I will burst though and blurt out about all the porn that I’ve seen him downloading. I screamed at him and told him to leave. He replied with “You don’t mean that” and I said actually I fucking do, get out I don’t want you here anymore. He didn’t move a muscle. I went downstairs and cooled off for a bit then came back up and apologised. The more I thought about it, I must have looked like a complete nutcase.
Anyway I have a feeling he is using me after all. Recently any time I make an advance to give him a kiss he turns his head around so I end up kissing his cheek. If I go for a hug he kind of rolls his eyes and huffs. He’s gone out again tonight and said he doesn’t know if he’ll be back since he hasn’t been home in 9 days. I’m sat here and can’t concentrate yet again. This isn’t good for me and i’m going to end up losing everything. Still we’ll see if he comes back. Yet again I gave him £30.
Meanwhile, my ex has rented out one of our spare rooms to a guy we hardly know who supposedly has a stunning girlfriend with massive boobs. I imagine he’ll be bringing her over and I damn well know that Sofa Guy will like her since he has a thing for boobs and I have none! That is really worrying me… along with the fact that my brother in law has now moved out of my sisters and his house. They are separating. Everything is going wrong!!!!
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