What is it that keeps me in this relationship? I keep asking myself the same question everytime “Sofa Guy” turns angry, nasty or violent. He has slept at my house for the past 7 nights and things haven’t been great at all recently. I have had verbal abuse, put downs, him telling me my teeth are yellow, my belly is too big and I have a moustache to physical abuse where he jumped on top of me with his knees and full body weight on my ribs. I really don’t know how I feel at the moment apart from upset, worthless, ugly, fat. There is nothing good left in me right now and I hate feeling like this.
I have gone from a confident, albeit chubby young woman full of vibrancy to a quiet, unhappy woman in less than 3 months and if I stay with him things are only going to get worse. Again, I don’t have the courage to leave. Last night he made some really hurtful comments about my size so I told him to fuck off and to bring on the personal training if he was that bothered. We did 30 minutes of intense training and I felt so sore afterwards. There were a few exercises I couldn’t do like pushups and step ups on a chair and each time I failed something he screamed at me that I was useless.
Walking to the shop today to get some vodka, I spotted these cute easter bunnies on offer so bought 2 of them. Walking home the bag slipped out of my hands and the vodka bottle smashed spilling its contents all over the floor. I didn’t know what to do, whether to just go home but I knew Sofa Guy would be really angry with me, or to go back and buy another bottle. I opted for the latter, the store wouldn’t give me it for free but they did replace my bunnies.
Not only is my personal life suffering from this, but my business too. As a glamour model, I can’t model with bruises over my arms and legs nor can I model if I feel I am worthless. There is one plus to all of this. I’m not pregnant.
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I’ve been where you are. This man will never change. There is absolutely nothing you can do to help him, change him, rehabilitate him, etc.
He has done it before you, and will do it after you.
Keep documenting your injuries if you stay in this relationship. Keep a journal of all the assaults and damages to your home or possessions. Keep this hidden from him. When you are ready to have him arrested, this documentation will be important.
Have a bag packed with spare cash, id’s, keys, phone numbers, etc… that you can grab at a moment’s notice… or keep it hidden at a friend, family, or neighbor’s house.
The most dangerous time is when you are trying to leave or break it off. If you feel unsafe because he is becoming violent, CALL 911! Have him arrested. Sign a complaint, and get and Order of Protection. If he violates it, report the violation. ONCE HE’S ARRESTED AND YOU HAVE AN ORDER OF PROTECTION, NEVER NEVER TAKE ANY CALLS FROM HIM OR SEE HIM.
Watch your back, live in a woman’s shelter if you have to. They will give you a nice bed and feed you… also, they will help you with legal advocacy and counseling.
He is about control. He becomes violent and verbally abusive to intimidate you and control you. Take back yourself. You deserve to feel safe and live in a peaceful environment, free of fear and intimidation.
I am speaking from experience. My abusive spouse destroyed everything I own, including my house. I was finally leaving him and he knew it. The day he was arrested, he poisoned my dogs.
When he’s not there, change your locks. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO EXPEL HIM COMPLETELY FROM YOUR LIFE. It’s not your fault, but now it’s your responsibility to take care of yourself. Do it. You can do it.
Dear woman,
Thank you so much for your comment. I didn’t think anyone was even reading this diary of mine and that I’ve been speaking out loud to myself, so to speak.
I know I really need to sort this situation out. Why do women fall in love with such bad men and want to stick around and change them. I know I’m not the first and i’m certainly not going to be the last either.
Are you back in control now? Are you much happier. It would be nice to hear how you are after such an awful ordeal.
Take Care.
Princess
I’ve now read a large chunk of your blog, and what ‘Woman’ has said up above is also what I said to you last week re control… As I said previously, I feel that it is about tainting you, making you unattractive to others to keep his own ego in check… As to constantly commenting on your weight in the negative (“If you were a stone lighter, i’d marry you right now”), I cannot help but feel that this is also to make you feel unattractive so not want to ‘run off’ with the next guy you see…
I really do hope that things do eventually work out for you, just make sure you always have an exit strategy, and make sure that you keep in touch…
Thank you I appreciate that comment (I know who its from btw, it showed up in my dashboard).
I think you might have something with what you said. Ever since “Sofa Guy” had a rugby accident a month before he met me he is paranoid he has lost his looks or so he keeps telling me. I don’t see any difference but then I didn’t know him before his accident.
One thing that does worry me is that he is with me because he thinks he is now ugly, and can’t get anyone else… and if someone better looking comes along he’ll be off like a shot without thinking. I will keep in touch, I promise